Crow Management 101 for Nincompoops
THE CHRONICLES
Dear Chronicle,
I have something slightly embarrassing to tell you.
It all started this morning.
I was busy showing Giggle Sprout how to chase dust bunnies around the house when suddenly we heard very loud cawing and chirping outside.
Giggle Sprout immediately stopped in his tracks and tilted his tiny Brussels sprout head, cupping his ear.
He listened, then nodded knowingly. This was an emergency!
Apparently, a group of crows was persecuting some poor mama bird and her baby chirpies.
Now Giggle Sprout loves crows more than anyone else I know.
But he loves justice more.
Before I knew what was happening, he was outside, frantically waving his tiny stick arms in the air and making "whoosh whoosh" noises.
I don't know what he thought he was accomplishing.
Whatever it was, the crows did not seem impressed.
They just kept right on cawing.
Seeing his antics were having no effect whatsoever on the flying bullies, Giggle Sprout ran back inside and came out with his phone.
He tapped a few things on the screen, and suddenly the sound of a screeching eagle filled the yard. (Apparently, there’s an app for that.)
The crows stopped cawing and flapped away in a huff.
Giggle Sprout stood there looking extremely pleased with himself.
I must say I was impressed.
We were able to once again enjoy the silence.
That is, until one crow came back.
He landed on the railing at the end of the deck and just stared at us.
“Uh-oh,” Giggle Sprout whispered. “Crows remember faces.”
This seemed like useful information to have mentioned before he started a war with them.
I clenched my teeth and rolled my eyes at Giggle Sprout.
He either didn't notice or didn't care that I was upset.
Instead, he took out a Zorro mask and put it on.
Then he handed me one.
This is stupid, I thought, but I put it on anyway, just to be safe.
The crow flew to a nearby tree.
Giggle Sprout stared at the crow, making sure not to turn his back on him.
“This is how you deal with crows,” Giggle Sprout hissed. “You show who's boss.”
The crow stared back.
Neither of them blinked.
Well, I don't know for sure if the crow blinked.
Crows have very small eyes.
After a while, Giggle Sprout put on sunglasses. On top of his mask.
He leaned closer to me.
“He's trying to intimidate me.”
I looked at the crow. He didn't seem to care.
Actually, I thought I heard him laugh.
Then I turned to look at my friend the sprout, who was wearing his sunglasses on top of the Zorro mask.
Yeah. That would do it.
Then I remembered my own mask.
There we were.
Two nincompoops in Zorro masks.
The crow stared at us for a few more seconds.
Then he cawed.
Giggle Sprout straightened.
“He's calling for reinforcements,” he whispered.
Another crow answered from somewhere in the trees.
Giggle Sprout nodded gravely.
“I knew it.”
More cawing came from the distance.
“They know who they're dealing with,” he said.
I looked at the crow.
The crow looked at Giggle Sprout.
Then he flew away.
A chorus of cawing came from beyond the yard.
“They're talking about us,” Giggle Sprout said gleefully.
I listened.
Yeah. They were definitely talking about us:
Two nincompoops in Zorro masks.
