The Groomer Paradox
THE CHRONICLES
Dear Chronicle,
Yesterday was a great day!
I think.
It started off with Mom getting up earlier than usual.
“Come on, Skipper-Bloo! Get up! We’ve gotta go.”
Go? Where?
Mom sounded very excited.
Too excited.
She was using that fake-excited voice.
The kind she uses when there’s a trap.
Then I realized:
We were going to The Groomer’s.
Oh.
So...not a trap.
Because I like The Groomer. She’s very nice.
Now I was excited.
But not fake-excited like Mom.
Genuinely excited.
There’s a difference.
I ran to the car and hopped in.
As we drove off, I looked back and saw Giggle Sprout at the door.
He was making a snip-snip motion with his stick-hands.
Giggle Sprout Scissorhands.
I rolled my eyes at him.
Never mind the cabbage head.
I was happy, happy, happy.
And I wasn’t gonna let him spoil it for me.
It was a lovely day for a ride.
Beautiful sun and wind in my fur.
Then we turned onto that street.
Her street.
And I was a little less happy.
I couldn’t quite remember why.
I had a flash of Giggle Sprout’s “snip-snip.”
And suddenly I remembered everything.
I began to shake.
Don’t get me wrong.
I'm always very happy when I actually see The Groomer.
I just don’t like what happens after hello.
First, she washes you.
Even though you’re already clean.
Then she cuts your hair.
Even though you’re already handsome.
Then she starts doing things to your feet.
My feet are private.
I don’t know why this is so difficult for her to understand.
Anyway, I survived.
Again.
I’m not saying I’ll survive the next time though.
When Mom eventually came back for me, I was fluffy and I was clean.
According to their standards.
Oh, and I smelled different.
Very different.
Like I was somebody else.
When I got home, Giggle Sprout came over to inspect me.
He sniffed.
He moved closer, then he sniffed again.
“What did they do to you?” he asked, shaking his little sprout head.
“I went to The Groomer’s.” I said proudly.
“I know.” He sniffed me again. “You smell like a poodle.”
I’m pretty sure that was an insult.
I ignored him.
And I thought of The Groomer.
She did give me a belly rub before I left.
Maybe yesterday was a great day after all.
Except for the poodle thing.
