The Doodie Officers
Dear Chronicle,
I have to tell you that I am getting worried about Mom and Dad.
Yesterday there was concern because I had not pooped.
And today, there was excitement because I had.
I suspect this recent obsession is related to the avocado pit incident, though no one has confirmed this officially. Either that, or there is some sort of competition taking place that I've not been made aware of.
In any case, there appears to be ongoing household monitoring of my output.
During walks, I am now accompanied by pet parents who have transformed into what I can only describe as The Doodie Officers.
I stop to investigate a smell.
They watch.
I consider a patch of grass.
They continue watching.
I circle the same area twice.
There are hopeful expressions as though important developments may be unfolding.
The Doodie Officers now exchange hushed discussions and meaningful glances anytime I crouch.
Giggle Sprout thinks I may be undergoing some sort of performance review. He just isn't sure about what exactly.
Frankly, all this is a great deal of pressure for one small dachshund.
This morning, I decided to resolve the situation.
Mom gleefully applauded and immediately shared the news with Dad.
Dad appeared unusually pleased. He gave me a hearty pat on the head and a "Good boy!"
I have concluded that my digestive system now holds a position of considerable importance within this household.
To be sure, this information will be useful in future negotiations.
